The 7 Most Useless Transformers Ever

Cracked.com went back in time to discover The 7 Most Useless Transformers Ever (reminds me of the bad-ass, cannon-armed Megatron transforming into a wimpy gun).

#2. Perceptor

Transforms into: A microscope.

Why is he useless?

Perceptor was designed with the sole purpose of going into battle and hanging out with Soundwave to figure out which one was more useless and outdated. It was a real barnburner until Soundwave's tape needed to be turned over and all of his Decepticon pals were busy trying to take over the world.

Perceptor: 1; Soundwave: 0. It should be noted that, though he is the winner, at the end of the day, Perceptor is still a fucking microscope.

Hiyelness: 9.5

Apple Hard At Work Making iPhone Obsolete

Apple Hard At Work Making iPhone Obsolete

CUPERTINO, CA—Less than a month after the much-heralded announcement of the iPhone, Apple CEO Steve Jobs confirmed that his engineers were already working around-the-clock on the touchscreen smartphone's far-superior replacement. "We looked at [the iPhone's] innovative user interface, the paradigm-shifting voicemail, the best-in-class mobile browser, and we realized we could make all that seem ridiculously outdated by the time the product becomes available in June," said Jobs, who described the project as "Apple reinventing the iPhone." "When the second-generation iPhone comes out this fall, we want iPhone users to feel not just jealous, but downright foolish for owning such laughably primitive technology." Jobs also hinted that the second iPhone device would not be compatible with any existing Mac computers, third-party peripherals, or any future Apple products.

Hiyelness: 7.5

USB-powered coffee warmer

Because coffee and computers belong in the same environment
http://www.jonrumble.com/blog/2006/08/09/cool-invention/

Hiyelness: 6.0